Sandy’s Take on Framily Values

So, let’s get straight to the bad news: my dad died recently. Too recently to want to put a date on it, actually.

As someone who likes to cross bridges long before I come to them, I had worked out a Grief Management Strategy (GMS) well in advance. Basically, I go to work, avoid all mention of The Incident, work-out, and hit the hay early with a good book. Next day, repeat. (Thanks to Laini Taylor, by the way, for Daughter of Smoke and Bone—a great distraction in tough times.)

My repression machine is operating at peak capacity, fueled perhaps, by more sleep than I’ve allowed myself in years. Normally, I’m in the habit of trying to solve problems in the wee hours. This problem I cannot solve. It is entirely out of my hands. So I sleep.

Some people tell me it gets easier after a month. Some say a year. I just hope the GMS keeps working. I welcome any and all suggestions for speeding the process along.

If thoughts of The Incident intrude, I try to focus on my “framily.” This is a term Yvonne and I used in our books, LOVE, INC. & TRADE SECRETS, to describe the people in our lives who rise above mere friendship to become family. Friends + Family = Framily.

When the Incident occurred, my framily stepped up instantly. Hilary, friend since Kindergarten, offered advice on how to handle everything. She arranged for a room and refreshments for the wake, took care of many small details, and even hollered to quiet the room when it was time to deliver my speech.

Yvonne, coauthor and key framily member (along with husband, Dave), produced photos for the event, including a most embarrassing one of me in a pink bridesmaid frock. When I made my speech, Yvonne laughed so hard I thought she was going to bust a rib. Luckily it was a funny speech, so she was laughing with me, not at me, as is sometimes the case.

(Aside: a bit of advice worth sharing... If possible, buy a disposable outfit for such occasions. Many of us associate what we wore with an event, and there’s no point ruining your favorite dress. Yvonne suggested a local discount line, and I’ll be passing a $30 black dress to a second hand shop shortly.)

Then, when I decided to host 12 for dinner, Yvonne arrived with salad and wine, and busy hands, to make sure I didn’t face a mess in the morning.

Linda, another long-term Framily member, demonstrated support with coffee pods for my beloved Nespresso machine, and five (5!) boxes of chocolate. Both have an important place in my GMS.

And thus, I’ve survived week one.

Regular life is getting back in gear, which meant publishing a new book, TORCH. Now available on Kindle, TORCH is our first paranormal romance, and we’re quite excited about it. For those who expect humour from team Collins-Rideout, never fear, it’s there. Try as we might to beat it back, the funny always surfaces.

Anyway, unlike the black dress, I expect few negative associations with Torch based on timing. My dad was 100 per cent clear that his favorite among our books was SPEECHLESS—not too surprising, when it had a few parallels with my experience as a speechwriter. Only in the fictional version, the villains got punished, which was a great satisfaction to my dad.

We’ve lost a big fan of our writing, but here’s hoping we gain a few new ones in 2012. All the best to your families, and framilies.