Never Too Late to Learn

Yvonne and I took Robert McKee’s “Story” seminar last weekend. It was held in Toronto over three (very long) days. Here I am at the end of it.

Yeah, it was tough. Good, but tough.

The seminar focused on screenwriting, but the techniques apply to story-telling of any kind. It’s something we could have used seven or eight years ago, when we started our first novel. The project later evolved into Speechless, but in its early form, “Unspeakable” may have been a more fitting title.

Having written non-fiction with relative ease, we were a trifle over-confident. How hard could a novel be? All it takes is a cool concept, right? And we thought we had that. “Unspeakable” featured two protagonists, one a political speechwriter, the other a camera technician (any resemblance to our biographies is purely coincidental), who exchanged funny and fascinating stories about their professional lives through an e-mail dialogue.

Although it took three times as long to write as our first book, we managed to churn out a draft. It comprised dozens, maybe hundreds, of these e-mails going back and forth, back and forth, on and on and on for 564 pages, single-spaced.

There were a few funny moments, but it definitely wasn’t a story. There was no structure to speak of.

Could we see that at the time? Nope. We thought it was a rather fine piece of comic fiction.

Our then-agent, unfortunately, disagreed. “Publishers aren’t interested in epistolary fiction anymore,” she wrote. You could tell she was typing with one hand as she pinched her nose with the other. “No one would want to read about a politician with a flatulence problem anyway. Flatulence is not funny.”

Let me tell you, I worked for a woman who had that very problem, and in a corporate setting flatulence can be very funny indeed. Especially if you’re as immature as I am.

At any rate, our agent was missing the point. Our book, if we dare call it that, was the opposite of what McKee calls, “a good story, well told.” It was just a string of anecdotes going nowhere fast—yet somehow not fast enough.

Our agent fell speechless from horror, leaving us to figure out what to do with what we were beginning to sense was a piece of crap. After much wringing of hands, we asked our former editor, now freelancing, to take a look.

She didn’t mince words. “This isn’t working,” she said. “Break it into two books and find a story arc for each. Write it in straight narrative. And read “How to Write a Damn Good Novel.”

Recognizing good advice when we heard it, we got down to work. And a couple of months later, she pronounced the first 50 pages of our new version quite readable: “Now you’ve got it. Keep going.”

The farting politician disappeared in revision, along with everything else we thought we could be sued for. When we were satisfied, we sent Speechless directly to Red Dress Ink, which had recently launched a chick lit imprint.

Here’s what it says on the back cover:

Libby McIssac is known for two things: catching bridal bouquets and having a way with words. Since the former isn't something that looks good on a resume, she's parlayed the latter into a new career as a political speechwriter. But just as she's making sure her boss looks as if she knows something about…well, anything, Libby's world is turned upside down.

Enter a handsome British consultant who upsets the delicate chain of command around the office and somehow always gets what he wants. Including Libby?

When a media leak of a big-time scandal sends everyone into a tailspin, Libby fears she may get caught in the crossfire. Cue the fake alliances, the secrets, the sex, the subterfuge and the hidden friendships.

Welcome to the world of politics, where perception is everything, nothing is as it seems and the last thing you want is to be left speechless.

After taking McKee’s seminar, I can see room for improvement. Still, we have a soft spot for this book, the first of our seven novels. At the very least, it helped me exorcise a few professional demons.

This week, we’ll share a couple of copies with you. Send us an e-mail and we’ll draw two winners. Note that while it’s pretty tame (except for that one scene that scandalized my father, but that’s another story), we wrote this book with adult readers in mind.

Another winner

Just a quick note to say that Marjolein has won a copy of "Totally Me: The Teenage Girl's Survival Guide." Send us your address Marjolein!

Check back in a day or two for the next giveaway.

The Totally True Backstory

The winner of this week’s draw for a copy of Totally Me: The Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide is Megan. Send us your address Megan, and the book is yours.

Thanks for sending in your questions. We’ll try to answer all of them here eventually. But since we’re giving another copy of Totally Me this week, it makes sense to tackle this one first: “What made you write an advice book for teens and how did you write it as a team?”

As a refresher, here’s what the book’s back cover says:

Navigating today's complex world can be tough for anyone, but there's a survival guide to help you find your way with sass and style. Funny and insightful, Totally Me gives you all the information you need to master the girl world—and have a great time. With Totally Me at your side, you'll learn the real deal on boys, parents and friends.

Short on boring lectures and full of fun quizzes, stories and advice, Totally Me is the ultimate guide to finding the real you!

That description makes it sound like we knew what we were doing when we wrote it, doesn’t it? But nothing could be further from the truth.

It all started when Yvonne gave me a call at work, where I was writing a speech for an Unnamed Public Official. As usual, we vowed to keep it brief. And as usual, we promptly launched into a discussion of hair, food and celebrity gossip. I continued to tap on my keyboard in case anyone walked by the open door.

“So…” Yvonne said, taking an unexpected conversational right turn. “My niece keeps asking me for advice and I went out to buy a book for her.”

"Uh huh?" I started working on my speech again.

"There are no books out there with funny, sensible advice for teens."

"Uh huh?” I said, still waiting for the conversation to return to hair and food and the latest celeb gossip.

"We should write one," Yvonne said.

“Uh huh?” It sounded like one of the crazy ideas Yvonne tosses out now and then to see if I’m really listening. For example, she once suggested we become roadies for our favorite Toronto band (i.e., get paid to be groupies). Usually if you ignore these ideas, they go away.

“Are you listening? I said we should write a book for teens. And could you stop typing?”

I stopped typing. "But what do we know?”

"Enough," Yvonne said. Long pause. "Don't we?"

I wasn’t so sure. I’m not one of those people who’s got it all together. Mostly I think I shouldn’t be advising anyone on anything—except maybe the best brands of chocolate.

"And just so you know,” Yvonne continued, taking my silence as agreement, “I want to write it together. We'll sit in the same room to do it."

"Sure," I said. Whatever. It wasn’t going to happen anyway.

But I dashed off a query letter describing our idea and sent it to a few agents. All of them asked to see the proposal—the proposal that did not currently exist.

"Crap," said Yvonne, proving that it really was just a whim on her part.

But now we were sort of on the hook, so we quickly assembled a teen advisory group (Yvonne’s niece and her friends), fed them pizza, and asked what they’d want out of a book like this. The answer: the dirt on guys. How do I get him to notice me? What is he thinking? How soon is too soon? How do I dump him?

"That we can handle," Yvonne said, after they left.

"Yeah?" I asked. "How soon is too soon?"

"I'll write that chapter," Yvonne said, as I crammed a slice of cold pizza into my mouth. "You can write the one on body image."

We started writing and within weeks—nearly fast enough to fool an agent into thinking it had been ready all along—we had a proposal. A few weeks after that, we had an agent. And a month later, we had a publisher.

Of course, there was a hitch. We would have to write the book within three months. I was still cranking out speeches full-time and Yvonne was shooting a film in Calgary. Could we write a full book that quickly when we didn’t have a clue what we were doing? Highly unlikely.

We accepted the offer.

As Yvonne was on location, the issue of writing in the same room never came up—and hasn't since. What happens when we are in the same room is not writing—it is talking. And there are no pages to show at the end of it.

Three months passed in a blur, but we came out of it with a pretty good draft. You could barely tell we weren't experts on anything.

Except for the fact that the book was twice as long as it was supposed to be. (Note to aspiring authors: find the word count function.)

Yvonne wept silently as I slashed my way through the overgrown jungle of advice. But finally, Totally Me: The Teenage Girl's Survival Guide was done.

"That was fun, wasn't it?" I asked, when we met for dinner to celebrate. "What should we do next?"

"Rest?" she asked, looking haggard.

"Take a week," I said.

We compared notes about what we'd enjoyed most about the Totally Me experience and found it was writing fictional scenarios to illustrate our advice.

"Let's write a novel," Yvonne said, perking up. "Based on our experiences in politics and the film business."

"What do we know about writing a novel?" I asked, knowing it was just another one of her crazy ideas.

Check back next week to learn about where that crazy idea took us.

In the meantime, to win our last spare copy of Totally Me, leave us a comment or send us an e-mail to get your name in the draw.

The First Winner

Thanks to everyone who sent in their advice. Dexter the Book Hound has chosen a winner: the first free copy of Totally Me: The Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide goes to Jordan for offering the following advice: “Know who you are & be who you are.”

Wise words, Jordan. Enjoy the book!

And on to week two of the great spring book giveaway…

We have another copy of Totally Me for the taking. All you need to do is ask us a question ~ about us, our books, whatever you like. You can even ask for some of our excellent advice.

Leave a comment or send us an e-mail and consider yourself entered in the draw.