It's Not You, It's Me

Dear Barefoot Contessa:

I’m sorry to break the news this way, but we’ve got split up. You probably never even knew were an item, but I’ve worshipped you since last Christmas, when my co-author, Yvonne, gave me your first book.

I’ll miss you terribly, and I owe you a lot. Thanks to you, I have a hobby that—unlike writing—doesn’t make me want to drive a six-inch chef’s knife into my eye. Thanks to you, I gotten over the shame of being a failed vegetarian (your Sunday rib roast was superb!). Thanks to you, people actually like coming to my place for dinner.

But my devotion to you has really eaten into my writing time, if you’ll pardon the pun. Did you know there are nearly 1200 reviews of your recipe for Beatty’s Chocolate Cake on the Food network site? I bet you haven’t read them. Unfortunately, I have. I was looking for a solution to rock hard frosting. Beats me how that can happen with half a pound of butter and six ounces of quality chocolate, but then, I’m not you. Six months in the kitchen can’t turn a novice into a pro.

But you’ve seen me through some tough times this year and I’m grateful. While my mom was on chemo, the only thing she wanted to eat was your roasted squash soup, so I made weekly batches. And when she started feeling better, I tempted her with your highest butterfat recipes. Dad and I packed on every pound Mom lost during her treatment, but cooking turned out to be surprisingly therapeutic for all.

Anyway, Mom’s back in the kitchen and using your recipes herself, so it’s time I got down to work. This is the longest writing break Yvonne and I have taken in 10 years and re-entry’s been tough. Knowing we’re on a lot of summer reading lists puts the pressure on. People keep asking what’s next. Soon we’ll have an answer, if only I can keep my hands off the stand mixer and on the keyboard.

By the way, have you read any of our books? Not to guilt trip you or anything, but we own 10 of yours between us, so you could return the favour. Give Love, Inc. a try. The protagonist, Zahra, dreams about having her own cooking show. Maybe Yvonne was thinking of you when she suggested a character who cooks. I remember thinking, “boring,” but 40 Barefoot Contessa recipes later, I admit I was wrong.

So listen, have a great summer, and let’s check in this fall to see if the magic’s still there. I can’t deny I’m feeling some heat for Alton Brown these days, but rest assured, you’ll always be my first culinary love.

Thanks, and all the best,

Sandy