Sandy Takes Back the Blog

Imagine our shock and dismay to find this blog hijacked recently by someone calling herself Judy Greenberg. Obviously it wasn’t the real Judy Greenberg, because there is no real Judy Greenberg. Judy is just a character from one of our novels. She doesn’t exist.

We have to remind ourselves of that sometimes, because as a character, Judy was quite a handful. She cropped up in more scenes of The Black Sheep than we originally intended—so many that we joked about her having a bad case of “protagonist envy.” Still, it’s not like she could jump off the page and start menacing people or anything.

If our characters ever did come to life I’m sure we’d get along with them just fine. Yvonne and I aren’t the type to have personality clashes. Mind you, it would take a lot of restraint not to tangle with Judy.

“Can you believe she said my videos suck?” Yvonne demanded.

“She didn’t say ‘sucked,’” I pointed out. “She said you’re no Judy Greenberg. That’s a compliment. And remember, she kept calling me ‘the dark one.’ It’s like she knew how many scenes I edited her out of.”

Yvonne looked over her shoulder nervously. “She’s not real, right?”

“Of course not,” I assured her. “The real world isn’t big enough for Judy Greenberg.”

As for all that talk about our daiquiri consumption, it’s absurd. Yvonne and I haven’t been able to drink like that in more than a decade. It is true that we once burned out the motor on a blender while making fancy cocktails, but that was when we were roommates fresh out of college. We had time to kick back then, because Yvonne was tending bar for a living and I’d quit a perfectly good government job to “write” (i.e., hand out towels in a gym).

But our daiquiri days are long behind us now. We have real jobs and responsibilities. If we drank rum today in the quantities Judy suggested, we’d fall asleep long before the point where fictional people start coming to life.

“Maybe it was a bad dream,” Yvonne said.

“What are the chances of our dreaming the same dream?” I scoffed. “Even co-authorship has its limits.”

In other words, there’s no good explanation for what happened. All we know is that Judy Greenberg is not real. And while we can’t account for the hostile takeover of our blog, we can assure you it won’t happen again.

Just to be sure, we’re changing our password. And locking up the blenders.