Why Guys Don't Call

A friend of mine met this guy awhile ago and they hit it off so well that he asked for her number and promised to contact her soon. The very next day he texted her, asking if she wanted to hang out. She waited the requisite hour, so as not to look too eager, and then answered, sure, she’d love to hang out.

That was two weeks ago. The guy NEVER responded.

Why? Why contact her in the first place if he’s not interested?

This happened to me a couple of times before J came into my life, so I knew what to expect. Within 24 hours, my friend activated the Myth Machine. “Maybe he was in car accident,” she said.

“Sure,” I said, since I’m a loyal friend. “He might have broken his thumbs and can’t text.”

“Maybe he had to go out of town, and there’s no cell signal,” she said. “Or maybe his grandmother died and he is too sad to call.”

It’s also possible that aliens scooped him up to create
hot-but-cold clones for their distant planet but I doubt it.

On some level, my friend knows that this guy would call if he wanted to. Even if he’d met an untimely end, his last, dying words to his best buddy would have been, “Tell X I’m sorry I couldn’t hang out, will you?” At least, that’s what a gentleman would do. Apparently it’s asking too much of some teenage guys. Notice I say “some.” Rather than attack all guys, as Newshound would have, I now have to dig a little deeper. Why would a guy would ask for someone’s number if he didn’t intend to follow through?

I took the question to my panel of experts, a term I use loosely. These guys are experts on nothing more than being male but I figure they have at least some idea of how the average guy’s mind works.

As full disclaimer, my expert panel is composed of J’s friends. J himself declined to be on the panel. For the sake of our relationship, he can no longer be frank about romantic situations. But he’s often a bystander during the consultation and while he refuses to formally weigh in, I can read the signs. When his pals are deliberately steering me down the wrong path—and they always try—J’s eye-rolling, forehead-rubbing and stifled guffaws give it away. Eventually, with these clues, and the relentless questioning that proves my skill as a journalist, I get to the bottom of the story. Our agreement is that if J lets me interrogate his friends, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt for being more evolved than the average guy. Luckily, he is.

In this instance, the panel’s answer was deceptively simple: guys don’t call because they get distracted.

The Myth Machine has already taken this into account. Of course a hot, smart, funny guy is busy. He’s doing homework, joining clubs and working part-time. On top of that, he’s probably running an animal rescue mission, starting a recycling co-op and volunteering at a senior’s home. No wonder he hasn’t had a second to contact you. But you know he will, and when he does, he’ll prove he’s been thinking of you non-stop, too. (By this point the Myth Machine is working so hard, it’s ready to combust.)

Sadly, my expert panel says the truth is a little less glamorous. The hot, smart, funny guy has met someone else, but it’s equally possible that he got sidelined by play-offs (any sport), a party, or zombie movie-fest.

At the other end of his distraction, he will suddenly remember that he never got back to you. Only now he thinks it’s too late—that it says he’s not interested. He’s afraid you won’t be happy to hear from him, or that you’ll interrogate him about why it’s taken so long to call and obviously, he won’t have a good answer.

So he weighs his options. How likely is he to run into you again? Do you have friends in common? Sometimes the potential future embarrassment is enough to make him call at this point. But if he can get away with disappearing into the void, he probably will.

If Scoop were still writing, he’d tell you what his friends told me: if you made a big enough impression—and that smart, funny, hot guy is truly open for business—he’d follow up fast. He wouldn’t want to risk someone else getting hold of you first. If he doesn’t—and I quote my panel here—“Dude ain’t worth your time.”

So my advice: give the guy a week max and then power down the Myth Machine. Save your kilowatt energy for someone who deserves you.